Moments that make work fun

1. Chey, my old manager.

Her first day at our store me and her and in the storeroom sorting through boxes.

i bend over to grab a box when my colon dialted 2 cms and let out a roar.

She quickly looks up like a scared meerkat.

She sniffs in once and looks at me with a look of disgust.

Her:Was that you?!?!?
Me:no.....maybe...yes

2.Random lady

I was working on my underwear table when a troubled customer asks me:

"excuse me, where do you keep the boys underwear"

I looked directly behind her, exactly where the under is located, which she sees.

She then proceeds to ask me:

"do you sell boys thongs?"

The first thing i wanted to say was" you mean the ones on the feet" but then i proceeded to say" no"

3.Random knicker lady

A crazy bitch walks in with her two ginger sons to get some underwear.

The traditional name for youngs boys underwear is "jocks".

The youngest weasley refused to pick any and she yells" PICK SOME KNICKERS OR DONT GET ANY!!!"

Poor little weasley continued to scream and cry. She then started to countdown so the entire store could hear her"29,28,27,26....ECT".

I expected when she reached zero her heard would inplode and a dragon would escape from her and out of the window.

Poor little weasley...its ok i dont want to wear knickers either.

4.As i Just walked out the toilet jelena then asked me straight away

"Hey scott is yours clean"

i immediatly thought the worse and asked her "My penis?!?!"

She was shocked...then told me she ment my department

Good use of a metaphor

This is a Termonoligy commonly used in the world, broken down to a possibilty by Myself and Mr Stephen.

We all know about the "Bases " when it comes to Relationships/Females.

1st-kiss

2nd- grab/grope/dry humping

3rd-B.J/H.J/ Vaginal Touchage

4th- sex

5th-anal or bondage....but thats a completly different story, lets keep up with the basics

So there are 4 bases on the sexual term

A sport that useually has 4 bases is...

BASEBALL!!

Now in Baseball we have the following:
The Pitcher
The Batsman
The Catchers
The Ref

Now we have decifered these and they also mean:
The Pitcher-The girl/guy you are pursuing)
The Batsman-You, the pursuer)
The Catchers-The Ones who are trying to get you out of the game so you dont have a chance to get to a higher base)
The Ref-A good friend who is trying to make sure the catchers dont play dirty

So the objective of the "love game" is top successfully Hit the ball.
Now the Pitcher(Love interest)Pitching the ball means they either Flirt or indicate they would like to be with you.
This is when the batsman has to hit the ball.

Sometimes,when the interest is only flirting and THATS IT...This is call a curve ball
Meaning that it looks like it is happening, but there is no point trying to hit it , Cause you will never hit it.

Some batsman are proffesinal and have hit the ball Many Many times, while some are still hesitant to hit it.

Once the ball is hit and in there air...
THE GAME IS ON!!

At this point the Batsman has to decide what rate he wants to run to the bases.
If he runs too quickly, there is a chance he could trip and lose the chance of even reaching that base.
The entire time the catchers are keeping there eye on the ball, waiting for the best moment to catch to get you out. Luckily this is when your red intervenes to stop any foul play.

The main fashion nowdays is to hit home runs, in one night.
I know a few guys who have hit home runs at parties and gatherings, but never really had time to enjoy the game, they just rushed into it.

Im more of a "slow and steady wins the race" Because in this case'it useally does.
I walk from base to base, sure ive always been caught out before third, but i take time to enjoy the walk from first to second, Smell the roses on the side of the field, And think how lucky i am to even have the privlidge of batting for a good pitcher.

A word thats making a comeback...

WARNING:

This Post contains extreme course language.

Anyone below the age of 14 and people who dont like the word cunt do not read on.

I have noticed in my casual viewing of todays fine Movies and tv that the word CUNT is becoming more and more popular.

This first came to my attention when i was watching crank and the character says the following:

Cheve Chelios:Do I look liek i got CUNT written on my forhead(Cunt appears as he says it)

Another time it has caught my attention is on the newest season of dexter, where the trinity killer says it a total of 4 times over the season.
Heres some of the most hilarious times

there is also another time on the newest season of family guy which goes like the following

(no video available)

Women: oh winston, drunk again i see

Winston: yes well your a cunt

and again with the magic word lol

so for everyone who doesnt like that word...expect to see alot of it in this decade

Ex Girlfriends

I hate having ex girlfriends. It is always a constant reminder that somewhere along the lines, you screwed up and she had to exacuate.

Unlike most guys tho, i am friends with every single girl that has ever, for some strange reason, agred to be my girlfriend.

Most of these relationships were only like, 2 weekers and i saw them twice.
In a way i think that them being your girlfriend stops you having a proper friendship.
When there your girlfriend your too worried on " what if i say this" or "Ohh what if they think im trying to indicate sex and they get freaked out and leave me"

These kinds of things are always a factor with me because of my sense of humour.
But when im not with them i feel i can say whatever i want.

Jus tthe other day i randomly said the most serious girlfriend i ever had( We shall call her ron) about me putting a baby inside of her, and doing her anally.

i would not have the balls to even JOKE about penial penatration with her, nowdays i feel i can just say what ever comes to mind.

In a way, it feels like me and her being boyfriend and girlfriend, stopped me from actually getting to kno the person, i na wierd fucked up way.
Quite honestly, once i really really think about it, i felt like i was dating a stanger. Liek we talked everynight and i knew what she liked and her language on msn and all her little signs and she knew what i liked and all that crap, but i actually didnt KNOW her.
She pretty much was a alright friend i hung out with every weekend that i kissed occasionly.

Now days though, i find myself talking to her everynight on msn, not because im trying to "GET IN" but because i am fucking bored and i have discovered she is actually a pretty cool person to talk to.

That is only my most serious girlfriend.

I keep in contact with all my exes once i think about it

Girlfriend number 2-A few times this year i have asked her to hang out with me because i am bored and so was she. I asked her to see a movie the other day because i had no one to go with, and she came. The most amazing thing in my feelings there are neatural aswell, its like going to the cinema or hanging out with one of my guy mates.

One thing is i always dont remembered what ended all these little 2 weekers, but in a way i am glad becasue i wouldnt have half the female friends and connections i do today....

so in a way this blog is thanking my exes for dumping me.....or me dumoing them...or however it happened

becasue then i dont think we would even be good friends

The shit i collect.

I am a firm collecter of various items, mainly

Figurines
Dvd's
Bobbleheads
Comics ect

I am going to make a list of every-single thing.

16 Bobbleheads which are:
-Iron man mark armour 1
-Wolverine
-The lizard
-Cyclops
-Colossus
-Captain america
-Vision
-Barack Obama
-Jack Skellington
-Quagmire
-Peter griffin
-Zoidberg
-Dexter Morgan
-Joker
-Jason Voorhees
-jack skellington(as a snowman)

With little collectable figurines i have:

-4 star wars keychains
-3 Mr men( Grumpy, Happy ,Scatterbox)
-4 small bobble figurines of nightmare before christmas(Thank you stephen)
-2 of those crappy Mcdonalds justice league toys
-Bob toy(monsters vs aliens)
-Bowser toy
-6 Simpsons collectibles( Senior ding dong, Fake micheal jackson, Gentleman Willie, Handsome moe, Opera homer, Leprachaun)
-Sora Figurine
-Keyblade set
-Bigger metal keyblade
-Vegeta
-3 Star dragon ball
-3 hungry jacks spiderman Finger puppets
-Fake freddy krueger glove
-Zombie captain america figurine
-Three Marvel figurines still in the packet( Hulk, Deadpool, Punisher)

Ok thats it for all the toys,

Now comics-
-All the marvel zombies(hardcover)
-Deadpool:Suicide kings(Hard Cover)
-2 Friday the 13th comics
-One hellraiser Comic
-One Various metal comic i think?
-26 Various Marvel Comics

Ok thats comics down...what now?

Oh yes dvds...well they would be :

-Family guy season 1-8(not including blueharvest)
-Ren and stimpy seasons 1-3 1/2
-Simpsons movie
-New fantastic 4 cartoon volume 1
-Iron man: Armoured adventures volume 1
-Nightmare before Christmas
-Chopper: Harden the fuck up tour
-The dudesons:Movie
-Viva La Bam(Series 1 &4)
-Wildboys(Volume 2)
- Jackass volume 1,2,3 And both the movies
-Dexter season 1,2&3
-The 40 year old virgin
-Knocked up
-Forgetting sarah marshall
-Superbad
-Pinapple Express
-Step Brothers
-Borat
-Bruno
-Fredyy got fingered
-Theres something about mary
-Little man
-Drop dead fred
-Good luck chuck
- Xmen 1,2,3 & Wolverine Origins
-Spiderman1,2&3
-Ghostrider
-Ironman
-Daredevil
-Fantastic 4 & F4: Rise of the silver surfer
-The incredble hulk
-Watchmen
-Batman begins
-The dark Knight
-Scarface
-Stranger than fiction
-Forrest Gump
-The day the earth stood still (re-make)
-Crank 1&2
-Deathrace
-Hitman
-I am Legend
-Sweeney todd
-Donnie darko
-All fo the friday the 13ths(including jason x, fredyy vs jason and the new one)
-Halloween 1&2( the originals)
-Nightmare on elm street 1 & 2
-Scream
-The ring
-American werewolf in london
-Prom night 1 & 2(original)
-Dawn of the dead
-Gothika
-Texas chainsaw massacra( Re-make)
-Saw 1,2 & 3
-Amitiville Horror(original)
-The Blob
-Seed of chucky
-The shining(original)
- 2 Living end dvds
- 2 Good charlotte dvds

All that i have listed pretty much makes up everything on the shelf that i own

My fingers have cramped up from too much typing so i might have to stop here

The thing with female shopping...

Today i went shopping with a good friend of mine who happens to be female...crazy mix i know.

we shall call her max

Any who, she had over 300 dollars to spend while i had little over 25.
I noticed in every store we went to i saw girls walking around with there boyfriends, all of the boyfriends look bored and miserable, almost like they are ready to blow there brains out if they don't get laid that night. One guy even looked at me and the only thing his eyes said where "help me, i shouldn't be here".
I also noticed in every girl store or girl department there is always a little place for the guys to go and..."play" i guess, or wait till there shopping is over

City bitch is by far my favorite tho...they had an x box 360 where you can play skate and wolverine

Me on the other hand, i actually in a way enjoy going shopping females, it really gives you an insight on what they like, and in a way sorta how they think about things.
The only guy i saw today that looked like he was enjoying himself was:

A Asian
Straightened hair down one side of his forehead
Purple shirt
Black vest
Little black scarf
Skinny leg jeans
And white dress shoes

Now I'm not usually one to stereotype....but we here have a gay!!

i have no problems with gay people at all what so ever...but i think to myself...if he is the only other person enjoying his shopping, do i look like him, come across like him...because its actually painfully obvious to the general public that I'm not "with" max.

maybe today everyone who saw me thought i was gay...


sigh


FML

Tonights the night....

It happened before....and its going to happen again...it HAS to happen

These famous words a spoken by the two best rangas i know:

Micheal C Hall(Better known as dexter)

And Stephen Mcallum

Ofcourse tonight is not the night, but the night is only 4 nights away, and we must prepare.

"But prepare for what " your probaly asking

well...In 5 nights it is a new year, and a full moon.
My good friend steven lives near a bush reserve.

So every full moon he would go int othe bush complety nudde and soak in the moonlight.
One time this year, i got the oppurtunity to join him on this rare occasion.

It didnt go as well as we thought

It started with us next to his house, in our underwear peering though the window to see his mum still watching.

We unlock the gate and take off our underwear we are wearing (its dark so we cant see eachovers dicks)

Steve offers to go first, and with those words i look up to see his marshmellow arse run across the road and into the alleyway.
Its my time to shine now, and i run across the road with all my hairy glory showing.
When i get to the middle of the road though i trip over, scratching my back, arse and perineum(better known as a gooch)

i get up and continue to run to the alleyway, where i find steve swing naked around one of those wierd pole things they put in the footpaths

We run on the dirttracks through the bush until we get the the other side of the bush,where there is a road.

We both lie on the road, until we see a light coming from our left, in which we run back in

All i ncan imagina is that car seeing 2 naked dudes running naked back into a bush...haha

we get to a point in the path where the fence is low, and you can see the house and the house can see us.

The dogs start barking liek they got a shit stuck up there arse, so we bolt the other way

We run down the path in the opposite direction, only to hear footsteps, so we run back.

We get back to the house with the fence only to hear a elderly women say" YOU GET BACK HERE"

it is still unclear is she was talking to us or the dogs.
After that we ran back to steves and int othe backroom, unseen and clothed

it was a successful night, and is going to happen again

So think to yourself new years eve, somewhere out there...there is two guys naked